Where did the time go? I was thinking this blog post on The I’m Right Mask would be published in July! It’s all good, I detoured a little bit in August but am back at it. It has been an amazing summer. I traveled, laid by the ocean, played in the lakes, hung out with my incredible group of friends, and enjoyed lovely times with my family. Now we are heading towards the beautiful season of fall and with it comes a bit more structure and continuity.
Do you remember the first time you felt like you were something different than love? The time that your perfect vision of yourself came crashing down and you realized that someone or something was telling you that you are not perfect?
I remember feeling so confident as a little girl and loving myself completely. That came crashing down at age 4 when I was being made fun of on the playground by a group of children. It was the first time I doubted myself and wondered what was wrong with me.
We all have walked down a path with different circumstances and situations that have affected who we are. I call it my own personal story or “personal drama”. We can use our personal drama as a way to learn and grow or use it as a way to stay stuck, hide and create more of the same. We tend to hide when we feel embarrassed, ashamed or are afraid of judgment from others. One way we learn to hide is by wearing an emotional mask of what we want the world to see (If you haven’t read the first blog in this series, stop here and check it out). In this blog, I am going to focus on the “Poor Me” mask. I am sure most of us have worn this mask before at times and some of us love to hide in this mask and wear it continually.
In our day to day lives, we all wear masks or personas we project in the world. We wear them to be fun, for protection, and we wear them to hide parts of ourselves. Our masks start to take form at a young age due to the circumstances we faced growing up and the beliefs we formed about ourselves or beliefs imposed on us by others.
One of the ways we create a healthy framework for our relationship is to take the time to outline what our desires and needs are as individuals and as a couple. We then create a plan and put structures in place so there is constant growth in the relationship. For us, part of that framework is to get out of dodge every 3-4 months. We know that this time is essential for us.
Ever since I was a little girl, I felt a deep connection to nature. When I walked in the woods or felt the coarse sand in between my toes on a warm beach, I felt like I was a part of something much greater than me. In those moments, I was perfect. My heart was full and I felt a connection to all things around me. There was a presence with me, inside of me that I knew I was my well of wisdom and where the truth resided.
This was the beginning of my spiritual curiosity and journey of defining it in my life. I began a quest to discover the deeper meaning of my life.
If you haven’t already heard February 25 through March 3, 2018, is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. As most of you probably know, NEDA is close to my heart because of my own personal experience with eating disorders and recovery. It is something that has plagued me in my past and presently my daughter is in recovery for ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) and struggling through her recovery. 30 million Americans struggle with full-blown eating disorders and millions more battle with food and body image issues.
I think I expected to start 2018 with a surge of energy blasting through me and a new sense of power and strength. Well, I did not jump out of bed shouting “hooray” today. Instead, I woke up with an odd feeling of emptiness. I think the last couple of months have just rocked me. With my family dealing with a crisis, I needed to isolate and focus on the needs and care of them. It has been a roller coaster ride filled with unexpected twists and turns. My life has looked like this the past couple of months
I have a number of passions in my life and I feel like I have done a pretty darn good job of making sure that I dedicate time and energy into each area of my life. Taking care of my body is a passion and is super important to me. I feel at my best when I am using products that support me, eating foods that my body feels nourished by, that I am getting adequate exercise, and that I am in tune with my sleep needs.
To start, I want to say how much I truly honor you and am grateful to each and every one of you. This is a place where I come to share openly and honestly with you and to hopefully, inspire you. I love to share my experiences of living mindfully and how I create days filled with creativity and inspiration. But, I am human and sometimes wrestle with other emotions.
So, I just want to say
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL TODAY
I have always prided myself on the fact that my life has had its ups and downs but that I own the truth about who I am and embrace my story.
I have experienced shattered relationships, an eating disorder, joyful moments as a mother, amazing adventures, and times that I have felt unworthy and alone. Through the dark times, I have looked at my demons and worked on healing myself, always learning and growing with each circumstance.
I woke up this morning with a thousand different thoughts in my head. That sounds a little anxiety producing, right?? Not for me though because here are some of the things that I heard
You are going to produce joy today
how blessed that you do the work you love to do
what another glorious morning
you are truly amazing
No joke, I even had a vision of rainbow glitter circling around in my head. And yes, I own my crazy!
My relationships have not been successful in the past and I spent several years on my own. Although it felt lonely at times, I knew that in order to heal from my failures, I needed the time to look at what I was missing inside of me. I had a heavy bag of rocks that I had been carrying for so long, I forgot that I was still holding on to it. This bag was filled with the rocks of:
Mother’s day is quickly approaching. It is always a time to celebrate whether it is your mother, being a mother, a step-mother or having someone in your life that has felt like a mother. I love my children and feel so blessed that I have the relationships I have with them today. I will be honest though, I have wounds with parenting that I had to do some hard work around. I think most of you have heard me speak into the power of owning your own story and being authentic.
Stepping into my own solo journey with coaching has been a swirl of emotions. I have felt sadness, lonely, and scared at times, even though I know my intuitive side has reminded me of how safe, perfect, and right this decision has been. Through all of the restructuring, this choice has helped me to reach a deeper knowledge of who I am and what I want to share with this world. It has tested my values and beliefs in myself and has taken me to a new level of self-worth and self-love. So, here I am standing proud, standing strong and standing with complete belief that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what the Universe has intended me to do. With that being said….
With all of the magic and beauty the holidays can bring, it typically comes with a certain amount of stress, which creates a lack of happiness. This year I want you to do an experiment with me, I want you to commit to dumping the stress. I want you to bring joy into each and every day from now until the New Year. I want you to create so much joy and positive energy that you are radiating in it. Even if you begin to feel stress or anxiety, I want you to immediately shift your thinking. You absolutely have the choice, and by the way, isn’t that a blessing in itself??
A dear friend just appeared back in my life after 25 years of no contact (thanks FB). Our conversations have been so rich and wonderful and it has been so amazing to hear about his journey, his story, and where it has brought him in his life. I believe he has enjoyed my banter about life and the varied experiences that I have had as well.
I know we are all familiar with the phrase “change is the one thing we can count on”. I am sure some of you hear that and want to shout “Noooo, I don’t want change, I am comfortable exactly where I am Gosh darn it!” Me, I look at change as a miraculous gift and making change is what pushes us to grow and advance in our lives.
I have been in the coaching and fitness world training people of all ages for more than two decades. I have supported people in getting stronger, making a lasting life change, losing weight, and reaching their goals whether in health and wellness or other areas of their lives. What I know is that the physical side of training is usually the easy stuff to work on, and it’s our mindset that can be the most challenging and can get in the way of reaching our goals.
